The Solution
by WithoutAnyShame
Summary: Johnny's POV. Johnny discusses his first times with St.Jimmy. Changed my mind, no longer a one-shot.
1. Jimmy Says

When I first met Jimmy, he told me what to do without talking. I just didn't get it.

I had been sitting next to some girl who had to be at least four years younger than me, and she was interested, which Jimmy pointed out later. Because, Jimmy says, she sure as hell didn't give a shit that Tunny wasn't there. She wasn't listening to me worry, he says, she was waiting for you to look down her shirt so she could laugh and ask if I liked what I saw.

I'm oblivious, he says, so I didn't look at her, and instead, I looked around the room. And that's how I met Jimmy, who was already looking at me.

He raised an eyebrow at me before nodding at the girl. But I didn't get it, and so when she gave up and walked away while I was still talking, Jimmy came to sit down where she had been.

It's intimidating when he looks at you, because it's impossible to understand just how much he's thinking at once. It's not that he's hard to read, really. It's that he's looking at you and thinking that you're pathetic and stupid, but he's strangely enamored and impressed.

When I looked away, he snickered and I tried not to tense when he grabbed my shoulder.

"I've got an idea," he said, "No. Better yet, I've got a solution."

I looked down and saw him holding out a white pill with the Cheshire Cat stamped onto it. And when I asked him what exactly this was the solution to, he didn't respond, just stared blankly until I shrugged and took it from him.

He smiled, and I knew it looked malicious, but it made me smile too.

And when I see him the next night, he looks at me and doesn't say anything, but I still answer his question.

"Yeah, I get it."


	2. Johnny Listens

The first time I shot heroin was with Jimmy. Well, of course it was with him, it's not like Will and Tunny were ever that bad. It was like we had an unspoken rule that we wouldn't get sucked into anything too intense. Tunny got drunk, Will got stoned, and I did a bit of both, but we never tried anything more serious. As a whole, we steered clear of getting into anything too strong.

That must have been where I went wrong, because St. Jimmy himself was always so intense. He filled the space around him with his charisma. Everyone who met Jimmy just immediately needed to listen to him. Jimmy was everything we were always too afraid to be. He was everything I wasn't.

And everyone did what Jimmy wanted them to do. I knew from the moment I met him that I would do what he wanted, even if I was fucking terrified, because I wanted to be him. At least, that's how it started. It wasn't me trying to impress him, it was about me wanting to be just like him.

So when he came to sit down on the edge of the crappy, ratty mattress I was sitting on, I was ready to listen. Jimmy pulled out a cord and threw it onto my lap before continuing to set up. I picked up the cord and stared at it, startled. I was glad he couldn't see me, because I had a feeling he would be pissed and disappointed. He always got like that when he remembered how innocent I was compared to him.

I knew enough to realize I had to tie it around my arm, but the nerves and general clumsiness meant I fumbled and fucked up. I still can't tie off too well by myself, but it's okay when Jimmy's there.

He finished setting a needle up and turned towards me, sneering at the still loose cord. And so he tied it for me, tight enough to make me wince. Jimmy looked up, and for once he looked amused instead of just angry with my stupidity. Keeping eye contact, he leaned down to brush his lips against the inside of my elbow.

"Trust me," he said, and in that moment, I did. I nodded and offered him a slight smile, which turned into much more of a grin when I realized that he looked almost proud of me.

"It's going to hurt, yeah?"

"Oh, no, it's going to be as far from hurt as you can get," he answered, his mouth brushing my hair now before resting just to the right of my lips.

"Better than air," he continued, and I could feel him smile before he pulled away and I fell back onto the bed, suddenly too foggy minded to ask him if he was talking about something far more serious than hard drugs.


	3. It's Easy

**A/N: Haha, yeah, so much for not continuing this. And so much for not doing much SaintJesus. But you're all so cute and sweet, so I might as well keep this going, yes? **

Jimmy always takes what he wants. That's another thing he is that I'm not. He's forward, he's unafraid, and he's bold. And Jimmy gets everything he wants, because Jimmy never asks. And that's why I got what I was afraid I wanted. I got it because Jimmy wanted it, and I was lucky enough to want it too.

I was talking to Jimmy about girls again, because I always went to him for advice. But he was starting to get annoyed again, ignoring me in favor of making a line of cocaine on the edge of the table. He rolled his eyes at me before leaning back against the couch, between my legs now.

"I just…really don't know how to start anything," I finished, muttering because I always got embarrassed when Jimmy thought I was stupid.

"There's not really that much to know. You just do start," he sighed, raising an eyebrow at me and staring me down again.

"But it's not that easy. You can't just kiss someone like that, you've got to wait for some sign, at least," I protested, looking away to keep from getting ashamed again.

Jimmy scoffed, but then he laughed, and it sounded happier than usual. I looked back at him just in time to register that his eyes were still open when he started to kiss me.

I'd never kissed another guy before. Not really, not like this. Will and I had kissed for a dare once, him showing off for Heather and a few of her friends. But dares don't count, and this was a real kiss.

I shut my eyes when his challenging, amused gaze got too strong to look at, but I never stopped kissing him back.

I could feel him pull away, and judging by the tone in his voice, he was smirking and proud of himself as always.

"Yeah, that was pretty easy," he observed, and a quick snort told me he was back to his cocaine and I was already out of his mind.

This was different than kissing girls, too, I thought. Kissing Jimmy was terrifying and perfect because bit by bit, I was starting to realize I didn't just want to be Jimmy.

I just plain wanted him.


	4. Don't Get Confused

**A/N: To keep with the theme, I'm classifying this as the first **_**real**_** kiss. A quickie before I head off to bed. Possibly more this weekend, though, I'm not sure what I want to do nxt.**

Jimmy leaned back against the couch again, but now he was ignoring my staring. Ignoring it until I lifted my hand to touch my mouth, that is.

"Hah, you act like you've never been kissed," he smirked, tilting his head back to watch me.

"Not…Not like that," I stammered and he laughed before pulling himself onto the couch next to me.

"I've been told I'm good," he taunted, still grinning as he stared off into space, "But that time I wasn't even trying, kid. You'd know it if I was trying."

"I meant not with a-" I started, before I realized that Jimmy wasn't exactly the type to care if I thought I was only interested in women, "Not when I wasn't ready for it."

"Yeah, yeah, still had you pretty fucking paralyzed," he jeered, moving to lie across the couch, sprawling half on the empty cushion and half across my lap, "Now come on, shut up, you're bringing me down."

"Well it's easy to get someone all fucked up if you catch them off guard like that," I protested, which got Jimmy to sit up straight again, inches from my face, with that incredibly smug and amused smirk on his face.

I'll admit that he was pissing me off, which is half of why I tried to prove my point by leaning in to kiss him again. It wasn't exactly smart, though, because he was ready for me.

Instead, I was caught off guard again when he gave me a sharp shove that sent me reeling back onto the arm of the couch. I stared at him wide eyed, but he just shook his head, completely calm and still looking pleased with himself.

"Oh, no, Johnny. It's never going to be like that," he laughed before leaning in close again and fixing me to the spot with a suddenly intense glare.

"Don't you ever think you're the one in control, Johnny boy," he cooed, his mouth close to mine again. "You got it?"

It took me a few seconds to regain enough composure to nod slightly. I wasn't about to let myself talk and sound as pathetic as I felt.

"Now that's better," he smiled, leaning in to kiss the side of my jaw before kissing his way back to my mouth, far more gentle than the first time. And now I had enough warning to open my mouth when he nipped at my bottom lip. Even though he was being gentle now, I knew he was leading the way, but I was happy enough to let his tongue do most of the work.

"If you want to play, we're playing my way," Jimmy muttered when he got bored of kissing me, moving on to unzipping the jacket I was still wearing.


End file.
